Memo #29
October 1, 2002
From: Richard Marden Pratt
To: Many loved ones
Re: Our wives
For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world, and yet lose his own wife (soul). Mark 8:36
“It is not good for man to be alone.” To that I can solemnly attest. My sweetheart departed this life 2 years and 2 months ago today. She died July 13, 2000 and it is, as of this writing, Sept. 13, 2002. We had 66 years and 2 months of near perfect marriage. Any flaw in it was due to my weaknesses. For she was as near perfect as any person that has ever walked the earth, save Jesus only.
I adore her! She is my queen and my eternal sweetheart. I expect soon to again be by her side, if I am found worthy, for we have obeyed the law of God and have been sealed as eternal husband and wife.
So as I pondered for the past two weeks the subject for October’s memo it has been borne in upon my soul to council all the couples receiving this to consider the happiness of their marriages.
God is eternal. God is love. Therefore love is eternal. And love is best expressed in marriage. And God intends for marriage to be eternal.
It should be the greatest adventure of this life. I have lived a very adventuresome life for 90 years and all other exciting experiences lumped together is not even a beginning to the thrill of being the husband to my wife. And I expect thru all eternity it will continue to take priority over all celestial joys.
I have served most of my adult life in church positions where I have counseled many failing marriages. I have arrived at two conclusions. One, the man is usually the offender. Two, there would be no divorce of Later-Day Saint couples if both lived the commandments of our Savior. Or as the Prophet, David O. McKay said of divorce, “sin lieth at the door of one or both parties.”
Because I love you all, both my male blood descendants and you who have married my daughters and granddaughters I am going to try and give you a few pointers which if followed will lead to that great adventure called eternal romance, and you feminine readers may also profit from them where needed.
God performed the first marriage and nothing was said about death parting them. Indeed Adam and Eve were married for eternity. Also note that this world, especially that part called Eden was made as perfect as possible before the Father placed therein one of his choice daughters. Eve was his crowning achievement, the most beautiful of all his creations and Adam was commanded to love and cherish her, to protect and provide for her and to create an atmosphere wherein she would be happy. Boy! What an order! It is still in force today. So brethren how do we do it? And it should be the greatest work of all.
First of all if she has fallen from the pedestal that you placed her on in your courtship days, reinstall her there on. She belongs there. She is your queen. You chose her above all others. It’s up to you to make her your one and only. We are to love our neighbors as our-self. She is the closest neighbor you will ever have.
The greatest handbook ever written on a happy marriage is found in Ephesians 5:22-33. Verse 25 says, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF for it. And verse 27 that he might present it to Himself a glorious church (wife) not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it (she) should be holy and without blemish. To be completely fulfilled in the resurrection.
Verse 33 - “Never the less let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
And Verse 29 “for no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishath and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church.”
We are admonished by both Paul and Moroni to develop within ourselves “the pure love of Christ” which is called “charity” without this pure love we will fall short of Celestial glory which means we will lose our companion in the eternities and will remain separate and single forever. What a sad fate. And it awaits most men who have lived on this earth. 1 Cor. 13:4-13; Moroni 7: 44-48.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which God hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ, that ye may become the Sons of God. Without charity (the pure love of Christ) we are nothing.”
1. “Charity suffereth long and is KIND.” To keep our wife on the pedestal of love, we are more than kind, we try to fill her every need even if we don’t understand it. (And we usually don’t) above all, we are never, never guilty of verbal abuse. We never make unkind remarks or jokes at her expense. Or compare her unfavorably to someone else. We always treat her as we would some great dignitary visiting our home always be on your best behavior, freely use “thank you” and “please” and “your welcome” etc. be free with praise and forget criticism, there is no place for the latter. Many times each day say “I love you!” open doors and other courtesies that you so freely exercised when courting. Never stop holding hands!! Never! Never!
It infuriates me to see an older couple, and it’s a common sight, shuffling down the street, he two or three shuffles ahead of her and she struggling to keep up and often carrying a load as well. I want to shake him until his teeth fall out and cry out to him. “Wake up you fool and take your wife by the arm and cherish and nourish her and protect and provide her with love and security. Romance should be an eternal thing and not end within the first year or two after marriage. And if you don’t keep it alive, forget it, she won’t have you in the next life.
2. “Charity seeketh not her own.”
Meaning you look to your wife’s needs and are not off chasing after your own. Develop hobbies and interests together. She is your best friend. You would rather be with her than any other person. The friends you had before marriage are no longer important and should be dropped also any interest away from home is a no no unless you can enjoy these together.
3. “You are not easily provoked.” Control your temper and your tongue. How grateful I am for a wonderful earthly Father who would not permit his children to speak disrespectfully to their mother and his wife. Which rule he faithfully followed. Mother was always on her pedestal.
What a gift a glorious gift, to be born of goodly (Godly) parents. See that your children can say the same of you.
4. Finally, charity, “thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.”
An excellent book on marriage is “Marriage For Better Not Worse by Gary and Joy Lundberg, Gary is a professional Marriage counselor and He and Joy are the parents of my grand-son-in-law Paul, married to my granddaughter Amy Rowbury Lundberg.
Rose recommends this book and also the book, Between Husband and Wife
by Stephen E. Lamb M.D. and Douglas E. Brinley, PH.D.
Any marriage, even the best, can use a refresher course. Apply your best efforts for the best success!
Love,
Dad, Grandpa, etc Richard Marden Pratt
Dad then included: THE FAMILY: A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD. You can find it and study it on https://www.lds.org It is a wonderful and powerful document!
